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From the grave of Johnny Gruesome
February 14th, 2008

Listen up, poseurs: my name is John Vincent Grissom. You can call me Johnny--Johnny Gruesome. Some people say I’m “the Head-banger from Hell,” but I’m more your teenage ghost/zombie type than a demon. I was born in the shit town—er, village--of Red Hill, south of Buffalo, where I lived, partied, and died. But now I’m back, and I’m here to stay!

I stand rotting before you this Valentine’s Day to announce my candidacy for the office of President of the United States. I know what you’re thinking: “He can’t run for President, he isn’t old enough!” Screw that. I don’t play by the rules, which is why I’ll make a damned good Prez. You people are nothing but brain dead sheep who only believe whatever your chosen media outlet wants you to believe—and that’s why I want YOU to vote for ME!

I don’t know Democrats and Republicans from maggots, you know? I’m running as the head of the Zombie Reform Party. Over the next several months, my campaign manager, Gregory Lamberson, will issue a series of policy statements and will book me on all of those annoying Talking Head shows on TV. We’ll post transcripts of my appearances with those pundit putzes in The Gruesome Gazette, the Official Johnny Gruesome for President Newsletter. Sign up for it here.

I don’t know what I stand for, but this will be a real “grass” roots campaign, if you know what I mean (I’d wink if my eyelids hadn’t decomposed). How can you support my campaign? First, if you want to know my story, buy the Johnny Gruesome Limited Edition hardcover from Bad Moon Books. This is the last time I’m going to tell you!

Second, if you want to know my victory song, or what I listen to, or you just want to rock out in your car before you get stoned, laid, or flayed, buy the Gruesome CD by Giasone and Marcy Italiano.

Want to look like me when you campaign door to door? Buy The Johnny Gruesome Death Mask sculpted by Matt Patterson. Can’t read? Watch the Gruesome Mini-Movie, starring my future First Lady, Misty Mundae, or read the two on-line Johnny Gruesome Comics (Winner of the New York City Horror Film Festival’s Best Horror Comic Award for 2007).

Okay, poseurs, that’s all I have to say for now. Look for me to tear it up with Chris “Tweety Bird” Matthews on HARDBALL in two weeks.

And remember: STAY GRUESOME!

--Johnny Gruesome